I haven’t endured it well. All I could think about was me, me, me. And I need to stop.
The reality of this unexpected trip to the Philippines is that there will likely be no China trip for the foreseeable (10 years) future.
I’ll be stepping onto Korean soil for a brief 4 hours then make the trek to a city overlooking the South China sea, albeit from the opposite coast that I had originally intended.
With the children growing older, the prospects of travelling to those two places I so desperately wanted to visit dim significantly. My time here at UBC was probably the last opportunity for me to do it on my own terms.
And now it feels like it’s gone.
I try to comfort myself, but it’s hard. The wanderlust is embedded and is rarely satisfied. And seeing everyone else have the opportunity makes it difficult.
But comfort myself I must. Or I will go crazy.
The one comfort that I have is that my wife’s mother will have a chance to meet her grandson before she dies. And that she will have a chance to meet me too.
How selfish am I. I really need to remember that this trip is not about me. But about the joy and happiness of someone who truly has a reason to be sad.
I can only pray that this curse of wanderlust be removed from me… or at the very least, be pushed back to the unseen caverns of my mind. Along with all the other disappointments and failures that have never been resolved. The 没治 section.
Anyway, here’s hoping that I can find the positives and make this trip a life changing one that will help me grow and help bring joy to a few people.