While sitting at Church a couple of days ago, a sudden pain just underneath the left breast hit me. Hard to breathe, as if something was literally stabbing me in the heart. It only lasted for a couple of minutes. I stood up and I felt better after a few seconds.
The doctor said it was nothing more than acid reflux.
For a couple of days though, I was wondering whether it was a heart attack. Wow. 34. And I’m wondering if I’m having a heart attack.
Lots of things came into my mind the past couple of days. Am I on the right track in my life? Am I treating my wife and children as I ought to? Am I wasting my time on frivolity? Should I leave school and spend more time with the family? Should I ask to be released?
Funny. When you’re not facing death, you tell yourself, “when I die, I’ll be calm, I’ll be cool, collected. I’ll understand it’s my time.”
But for a couple of days, I was anything but. I felt, “It was not my time. Why now? I have so much to do! What about my wife? My Kids? How will they survive?”
It was a big relief to know it was a benign reaction to not eating the entire day.
Am I happy? No.
Am I chasing something that is of little worth? I don’t know.
When will things get better?
Then today, I ran into the following clip:
I realized that it’s just another gooch crucible. It’ll be ok after awhile. Things will be fine. I just have to go through it.
Life does get better. And I need to look forward to that, instead of the scary, the discouraging and the like. I need to look forward to when I am done, the next vacation, the coming weekend, or even the coming evening with my family.
It’ll be ok.