To put it more accurately, I’m very, very excited.
I remember this feeling… the same feeling I had when I was about to be married to the love of my life, the same feeling that I had when Nico was about to come into the world. Euna and Zeta will be coming into our life … and I want them to come out sooner rather than later.
When I snuggle with Evelyn, I rub her big tummy wondering just what those two inside her will be getting into. Will I be a good father to them? Will I be able to not only shield them from the angry world but to shore them up so they can shield themselves? Will I be able to live in such a way to earn their respect, trust and love? I hope so. I really do.
I hope to become the type of father that they will be proud of. I don’t want to be a Homer Simpson, buffon-like oaf that the media tries to portray about fathers these days. I hope to be the way my father was… full of integrity… always willing to help and never, ever sacrificing his values to make things easier. I’ve always respected him for that. Will I be able to give my children the benefit of the same?
Looking at Nico, I am very happy for the way he has turned out so far. Part of me likes to think that in some way, I contributed to the way he is. Sure, he has his weaknesses, which interestingly enough are weaknesses at times. But overall, he is a wonderful child.
Part of me aches though that I can’t spend so much time as I would like with him. he can’t wait forever for me to finish my degree. By the time I graduate, he will be seven years old, perhaps eight! By then, the cement of how much I spent time with him when we were younger will be fully set. I cannot deny him of a childhood with his father. I need to spend more time with him.
With Euna and Zeta, I hope to give them the same. Luckily for them, by the time I graduate, They’ll be two years old. There will still be time to build that relationship, that bond they need with their Dad.
And for Evelyn? My loving wife… I wish I could do more. But she understands the importance of the kind of life I’m trying to build for her through my education. I am so glad that I married her. I think there would be few women who would understand the way she does. I am so blessed to be with her and to have her love and support.
Life is great. It’s a package of wonderful, joyful, sorrowful scary and peace all wrapped up in a messy bundled package.
Endure it well.