Carry on.

What am I capable of?

I’ve been watching this Korean MBC drama called Hotelier. It’s about the struggles of the manager of a hotel and his employees. One of the main characters, Han Tae Jung, is a highly capable, intelligent master Hotelier. But due to one mistake, he lost all confidence. He left his job, moved to America and settled for a life of bartending and washing dishes for the rest of his life in a run down house.

Years later, he was hired back to the Hotel to save it. Although his confidence was shot, he came back and became the master that he was meant to be.

I can really identify myself with Han Tae Jung. Part of me wants to settle to a life of mediocrity. Part of me wants to stay as a Tech support rep, customer service rep. Part of me wants to quit school and stop short of my goal.

But part of me knows very well that I can achieve so much more. I have been given so many talents… brains that I have never really used lately. My ability to think and achieve has atrophied significantly. But I know that with enough practice and enough study and hard work and with the help of my Father in Heaven, I can achieve and get that life, that career … the family that I have wanted for so long.

It’s just a few more years. I just need to stay focussed. I just need to deny myself for a few more years. Then I can develop the career that will provide for Evelyn and Nico. I can’t quit now. I can’t quit. There’s so much at stake so much more that I want to do. I can’t do it without my Business education. Just a few more years.

When I started this entry. I wasn’t feeling to happy. But now. I have that smile again… I know that everything is going to be alright.

“The Fremen were supreme in that quality the ancients called “spannungsbogen” — which
is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing and the act of reaching out to
grasp that thing.”
~Dune, Pg 288

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