I just don’t feel good at the moment… as if I’m sick of life. I’m just tired of studying these never ending streams of courses, working for an employer who doesn’t want me to advance in my career and going to endless meetings, endless shopping for groceries, listening to never ending complaints that I can’t solve due to the fact that I don’t have the money nor the time to solve them.
Selling that ipod nano was the biggest indication that I do not have control over my own destiny. I’m reliant on hawking my possessions just to feed my family. Selling that Nano proves that I am dirt poor. Selling that I was so happy when I won the Nano… I know it’s just an MP3 player. But it was a symbol that life was going my way… and then reality snuck in. I was forced to sell it. The Nano really shook me up. I am a loser. and I feel like I’m stuck here and there is no other way out.
I am so tired. But there are too many people depending on me that I get through this. I hope I do. I need to. I have to.
I am so tired of it all.